my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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