Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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