babies were throwing up all over the place
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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