quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
