Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
