I wish I could teleport
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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