I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
