Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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