Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
