your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Is Oprah even human
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
