ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
