I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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