I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
