this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
