I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
