My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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