Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
