Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
