shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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