her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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