you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the condom got lost in my hair
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
