Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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