I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
