Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
