I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
