With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
