i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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