Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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