is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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