): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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