im having a threesome with these popsicles
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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