He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
