Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
