Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
