Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Randomize
