there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
