Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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