now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
