I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
