he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
