i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
