im about as happy as oj after his trial
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
