Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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