i would punch a child for taco bell
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
