Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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