That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
