You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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