we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
