I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
