oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
